Dialogue Fails REMIXED

Do you ever leave a conversation thinking, ‘fuck… I could have just TOLD IT!’? Riding home on your bike or slumped in the back of the bus wondering why you couldn’t have been a boss in the moment?

Just me? I THINK NOT. Y’all know what I’m talking about. So here it goes – it’s happening now: Conversations You/I/We Wish For…

1…

SEXY BOI AT THE BAR: “What are you drinking?”

YOU/I/WE: “Um, a gin and tonic.” *avert gaze*

YOU/I/WE: “Go ahead – lick my lips and tell me.”

2…

PROFESSOR: “I looked up this ‘Queer Theory’ on wikipedia last night. So it’s all about Foucault, eh?”

YOU/I/WE: “Well, you know, it’s more than that too… Like, this thing I read said..”

YOU/I/WE: “Actually, queer theory is this amazing, layered cosmos – sort of like getting lost in a Glitter Vagina Palace.”

3…

EX BOYFRIEND: “You’re a pretentious asshole. So I’m defriending you on facebook.”

YOU/I/WE: *no response*

YOU/I/WE: *NO RESPONSE* (finally…)

4…

DOUCHEBAG: *grabbing ass while you/i/we dance*

YOU/I/WE: “FUCK OFF, ASSWIPE!”

YOU/I/WE: *tear open shirt, blind DOUCHEBAG with glitter rays shooting out your/my/our nipples*

5…

DUDE AT PARTY: (responding to friend telling him he should dress up like a certain professor for Halloween) “I’m not wearing any gay-ass sweaters!”

YOU/I/WE: *what?*

YOU/I/WE: *leaves party to go crochet a sweater with a rainbow ass on the front*

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